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Working on the solid nonviolent principle that we should transform our enemies, PN brings you a slightly tongue-in-cheek column dedicated to getting to know our"enemies" better.

Love your enemy – everyone can change: Dr John Reid

Hello my lovely ones, are you feeling full of vernal passion?

I hope so, cos this month's target for all your cupid's arrows is Dr John Reid. Bless `im. He's our beloved new defence secretary.

He knows a rogue elephant [shurely “element” ed?] when he sees one. They were in the intelligence services, briefing against Government in the “Iraq weapons row” apparently. As health secretary he was “a man on a mission”, although he is said to have greeted news of that appointment with “oh fuck - not health!”. Now Johnny's at the helm in the War Ministry I am sure all will be tickety boo.

A new home from home

He's been a busy chap, what with all those dead servicemen to bury, and the occasional visit to his new home from home - Iraq, so we should be touched he found a window in his hectic diary to announce about Iran that he sees “no circumstances in which military action...”. So no Tehran trips for his boys for the foreseeable.

An esteemed warmonger

He's a straight-talking Scot who called old Paxo a “West London wanker”, but scratch the surface and you'll find he's a softie at heart - just look at one of his old speeches - “This Christmas I want to applaud the courage and determination of those who have reached out and grasped the opportunity of a lasting peace, against the background noise of those who want to wreck and destroy.”

Let's hope that, as one of our esteemed warmongers, he remembers it.

Let it shine

Are you warming to him? He even plays guitar. Come on John, stop hiding your radical light under that bushel. Let it shine. Remember the days when you believed in Santa Claus and were a member of the Communist Party of Great Britain? Well we're here to tell you that Santa exists and runs the Lapland Workers' Brigade.

Suggestions of candidates ripe for redemption should be sent to editorial@peacenews.info

Topics: Westminster